Hard Times

Its been a week since I have posted. It has been a stressful time. Tuesday my grandmother passed. So you can imagine the reason for me not wanting to come here. It is odd that just two days before she pasted we went to my grandfathers grave. During the funeral service I tried not to make a sound while crying, but I held back as long as I could. No one else made a sound during the whole thing. At the very end while we passed the casket, I stop to see her once more and I lost it. My mother was telling me to come on. I can not understand why she can not let her emotions go. I felt as though she did not want me to make a scene. I knew at some point I would lose it. I feel as though I saw her more then any of her other grandkids. So how could I just sit there and be calm? My mother has lost both parents now. I still have both of mine but they aren't getting any younger. I dread the day this ever happens to me. I don't know how my mother was taught growing up. If she was taught not to cry or show emotion. I wonder though. I know people deal with things differently then others but I never saw mom cry at the funeral. She was a little teary eyed at one point but that was it. I guess I am just an emotional person. Some people can not deal with people like me. It was only three months before I moved away from home, that my grandfather died. Now I have been planning to move sometime in the early part of next year and now my grandmother passes. Its odd cuz I figured in about three months or so ill be moving.